Notes from the Trenches: Finding My Groove

This is a guest post from Rebecca, a newly minted law school mom of two.

I'm officially a law school mom! Here's what I've learned in half a semester:

(1) The legal profession is, as far as I can tell so far, a good fit for me. There's a lot of research and writing, an insistence on nit-picky attention to detail, and no shortage of ethical conundrums. Compared to failed craft projects and poopy diapers, I'm loving it.

(2) The work isn't overwhelming. I was in a doctoral program after I graduated from college, and there simply weren't enough hours in the day to finish all the reading we had then. It was objectively impossible. The reading I'm assigned now is about half that, so I find it manageable. I would say I work about 50 hours a week. A little more demanding than a full-time job, and maybe about the same as the average legal job?

(3) The professors all manage the class discussions in a different way. My Civ Pro prof is extremely organized and methodical, which I think is probably a good approach for Civ Pro. When she calls on you, she basically wants your answers to be read directly from the case. She'll often tell you exactly where on the page she wants you to find the answer. On the other hand, my Torts prof likes to ask us more analytical questions, the answers to which you can't find in the book. He's always telling us to "look up and just think." And my Property prof... well. He believes that he and his colleagues are in the business of training all of us to run the world, and that if all the non-lawyers out there would just butt out, we'd have as close to a utopia as humans can realistically get. He seems to view the class as an opportunity to perform, so he really doesn't ask many questions at all. And neither does anyone else.

(4) The parents club at my school is quite small. We don't have a night or part-time program, so there aren't as many older students as one might find elsewhere. I know of only four other students who have any children, and when I tell people I have two, it blows their minds. I'm only 28 and not used to feeling old, but I've spent the last several weeks surrounded by younger, attractive, single people, so you could definitely say my self-image has changed recently.

(5) #4 means the atmosphere is a little college-y. There are a lot of happy hours, drinking socials, etc. They even have formals. I'm definitely not criticizing; 6 years ago, I would have gone out any night of the week, too. But obviously, I can't really be part of that social scene now, and I'm finding I don't really want to be. In many ways, it's a relief to stay out of the social drama that ensues when you throw together a couple of hundred young, attractive, single people who feel like they have to prove to each other how smart they are. That sounds a little snarky, but I don't mean it that way. They are all smart, and they're just trying to find their social footing in a new place. But I'm finding different ways to connect with people, and in the meantime I can really focus on making good use of the time I pay other people to watch my kids.

So things are going ok. But our profs are starting to talk exams. Like I said, everyone is smart and every class has a mandatory curve. I might not be feeling quite so competent in January.

Notes From the Trenches: Paying Tuition & Childcare or How to Spend All Your Money

This is a guest post from Rebecca, a mom of two who will start law school this fall.

Enrolling in law school can be a controversial choice. I expected to receive at least some blowback, especially since I will be selfishly abandoning my children to advance a career. Here's my beloved grandmother on the subject:

Your children, so dependent on you now, may hate you in 15 years! This is your most precious time to feel like a real woman. And I know, once you get that law degree you will have a job in which you find even less fulfillment and you will spend your days litigating fights of one kind or another. And you will start at the bottom. You think you are going to make a difference in the world--"help people?"--but think of the difference you will make for generations by raising your children who are right in front of your eyes."

That's just a little taste. My grandma has an ideological objection to the legal profession. But you have to admit it's impressive that she's in her eighties and emails me regularly. But, I was somewhat surprised by the cascade of news articles I found suggesting that graduating law students suddenly were having quite a bit of trouble finding jobs, especially jobs with high enough salaries to pay down the six-figure debts they now owed to their schools.

There was that guy from Boston College who wrote an open letter to the school asking for his money back, articles in the New York Times about how law students get gamed by the system, and the general recognition that schools are currently accepting many more students than the legal market will accommodate. I also discovered the expanding community of blogs -- with names like LawSchoolScam and But I Did Everything Right! -- devoted to warning "0Ls" (really?) to run, not walk, away from law school.

In the face of such negativity, I was forced to ask myself (and my lawyer friends) why none of it would apply to me. A friend of my husband's had some very encouraging (enabling) advice: "Here's the thing about the 'not enough jobs for lawyers' argument. It actually is 'there's not enough jobs for incompetent lawyers.' You're going to be a competent one, I'm sure. In general, my lawyer friends with jobs think it's a good idea for me to go to law school. The ones who were disappointed with law school or don't have jobs have been, well, less positive.

My husband and I decided that I would only go to law school if we didn't have to take on any debt for me to do it. That seemed doable. I knew I'd be charged the reduced tuition for in-state residents. I crossed my fingers for a big scholarship, and I got one. Strangely, in the award letter there was no mention of the conditions for keeping my scholarship. Watch, I'll call the Office of Student Affairs and be told I must maintain a GPA of 3.8.

The real cost of law school for me (us), though, are childcare costs of ~$1400/month for my two kids, ages 3 and 21 months. I've had complete control over my kids' environment since my daughter was born, so it's kind of a big deal to me to give that up. I suppose that's why we're taking on a monthly payment that exceeds our mortgage to send our toddlers to an "academy."

So I hope I can keep that scholarship. But just recently, another mom who graduated from the school I'll be attending told me, "you won't be in the top ten percent, you know, because you have kids." Maybe they should have put that in my award letter? "Parents: don't bother."

Notes From the Trenches: A Day in the Life of a Law School Mom

This is a guest post from Leigh, a second-year law school mom.

Juggling law school with kids is tough. My husband and I have our schedules so precisely worked out that even a wedding planner would cringe. Law school is demanding of your time. Children are demanding of your time. There is a competition for attention that takes place between the two, and you need to figure out a realistic balance.

My husband works fulltime and I am in school fulltime, so our daughter is in daycare during the week. My husband has also been kind enough to take on full parenting responsibilities over most of the weekend. I do almost, if not all, of the following week’s reading then. You need a good chunk of uninterrupted time to read for your classes, as the amount of concentration required is insane.

I also outline throughout the semester instead of at the end of it, and I start working on research papers much, much earlier than their due dates. We do have a wonderful sitter who watches our daughter if I need extra study time during the week, which is incredibly helpful.

So, what’s a day like? Here’s a fun-filled sample schedule.

6:30: Wake-up, sort of. Get crying child from crib and change her. Attempt to force my eyelids open and stumble downstairs to make breakfast. Child gets real food for breakfast. We get coffee. Eyelids actually open post-coffee consumption.

7:00: Husband takes messy post-breakfast toddler upstairs for bath. I prep food for daycare and husband’s lunch. Whirlwind of getting ready follows.

8:00: Hopefully have left the house by now and am dropping daughter off at day care. Drive back home and get bag ready for school if I didn’t clean up my study mess from the night before (high probability).

8:30: Leave house and walk to law school. Listen to iPod on the way – is this a form of “me” time? Oh wait… day care is calling to inform me of a disturbing bowel movement my child just had. Thanks, daycare.

9:00: Usually have classes starting around now. If not, go to library and work on outlines. Realize I have grabbed container of toddler puff snacks instead of adult food snacks. Eat them anyway.

12:30: Lunch break. Walk back home, let dogs outside, and eat lunch. Then head back to school for any afternoon classes. If I don’t have afternoon classes that day, research for any papers I have due that semester. Fantasize about taking daytime naps.

4:00: Have to leave school by this point. Walk back home and get car, drive to pick daughter up. Hope dogs don’t hear me leaving in the car and start howling.

4:30: Afternoon playtime with daughter. This includes, but is not limited to, puzzles, cuddles, chasing daughter who is chasing dogs, coloring, cleaning up coloring on walls/floors, occasional stroller jogging.

6:30: Husband home. Make dinner for everyone. Attempt to clean up house and throw in a load of laundry. Bicker over who is less tired and has to take dogs on walk/run. Threaten an extra household cleanup duty for whoever does not take dogs out. Cave in and take dogs, cross fingers that laundry is switched when I get back.

8:00: Get daughter ready for bed. Ultimate bedtime resistance kicks in with daughter. Bedtime success after 30-minute refusal to lie down. Notice new chip in wall from child banging crib rail against wall during ultimate bedtime resistance.

8:45: Bring out casebooks for next day classes. Although I have usually read all of that week’s reading over the weekend, still need to refresh on reading. Contemplate falling asleep on couch instead.

10:00: Have actually fallen asleep on couch. Curse self. Continue reading where I left off, and then promptly fall asleep again. Couch is so comfortable.

Unknown hour: Leave couch, drag self up to bed. Later on awake with highlighter mark on face and post-it tab stuck to hand. Also notice piece of daughter’s macaroni and cheese dinner matted in hair. Lovely.

Notes From the Trenches: Pregnant in Law School, The Rest of the Story

This is a guest post from Leigh, a second-year law school mom.

My second trimester progressed relatively smoothly. Sure, I may have started to outgrow my regular pants and I may have been regularly eating eat bizarre foods (cream cheese and green olive sandwiches, anyone?), but no major issues with my pregnancy arose. However, this was the point when I began to tell classmates that I was expecting and I first spoke with my school about how they handled pregnant law students in the past. This brings me to two more essential points.

You need to have thick skin. Ladies, you need to understand that people may say things about your pregnancy – particularly its timing – that you find offensive. I certainly received some off-hand comments and shameful looks I would prefer not to relive. Trust me, the raised eyebrows and awkward comments will continue well after your child is born, especially when someone finds out you actually had your child during law school. Be prepared, and let the comments roll off your shoulders.

In addition to thick skin, you need to speak with your school. Find out how they have dealt with pregnant students in the past. Check on their policy for pregnancy-related absences. If you plan to nurse, see if your school is willing to set up a private space for you to do so. Ask if your school can connect you with any other law student moms or those who recently went through a pregnancy while in school. You get the idea.

And then came the third trimester. Oh joy. At this point, my pants really didn’t fit – despite my desperate attempts to unbutton and hold them up with belly bands – and I had officially adopted the pregnant waddle as my signature swagger. I couldn’t sit in a chair for more than 10 minutes without my back screaming at me to get up and walk around. My legs were so swollen and bloated that an indentation mark would appear if you pressed on them. While I was worried about getting through the rest of the semester without going in to a coma due to sheer exhaustion, something else happened that had never even crossed our minds. My daughter decided to make her entrance at the beginning of April – nearly two months before my due date and only a few weeks before finals. This brings me to my last two points.

You need to know that you can’t plan how your pregnancy will go. While premature births aren’t exactly commonplace, the point is that you can’t plan what your pregnancy will be like. You can’t plan to forgo awful morning sickness, avoid being put on bed rest, or prevent your feet from getting so swollen you can’t wear your shoes anymore. And, I know this is hard, but you can’t plan if there will be any serious pregnancy complications with the bun in your oven.

Finally, you need all types of support from all types of people. This is the most important point. My husband was there every step of the way with emotional and physical support, especially when our daughter was born prematurely. What made this particularly crucial is that we have no immediate family near us. While emotional support from families is wonderful, you also need support with day-to-day things... and with law school things. I had amazing law school friends who shared notes, helped co-ordinate class recordings, and were incredibly supportive throughout my pregnancy and while we went through our daughter’s prematurity complications. Without this support system, I would have certainly floundered.

People often ask if I’m glad we had a child during law school, or if I feel we should have waited. I truly think that if we had waited to have children, we would have kept on waiting to have children. By that I mean we likely wouldn’t have gone down the road to parenthood until much later in our lives. And while I believe this the right choice for many couples, I don’t think it would have been the right choice for us. Looking back at what my pregnancy experience was like, I now feel that I would have rather been pregnant and had those difficulties during school versus during my first few years in my law career. Other moms may tell you differently, and I can only comment on my experience. But I can tell you that I am completely happy with my life as a law school mom.

I am also often asked if I feel I should have waited until my 2L or 3L year to have a child. I will tell you that waiting until you are finished with your 1L year is certainly advisable. 1L year, and the grades that go along with it, are so incredibly important. There’s a steep learning curve and a substantial amount of lawyering development that go along with your first year in law school. However, we found ourselves in a situation where I was pregnant and we weren’t sure if I should postpone law school until the birth of our daughter. For me, being in law school with a young child has been on the same par of difficulty as being in law school while pregnant. Again, every pregnancy and parenthood experience is different, so other women may depart from that thought.

While it was difficult to be pregnant during my 1L year, I would not have postponed my law school start date. Yes, pregnancy during law school has its difficulties. But it is not impossible and I’m a firm believer that you can make anything work if it’s something you truly want. In the end, what matters is what path you want to go down. To those of you about to embark on this adventure: congratulations, and have faith when I say you’ll be just fine.

Notes From the Trenches: Pregnant in Law School

This is the first in a series of guest posts from Leigh, a second-year law school mom.

I’d like to briefly introduce myself before delving into my experience as a law school mom. I attend law school full-time and just finished my second year. I also have a 14-month-old daughter and a wonderful husband. I was pregnant with my daughter during my first year of law school. For those of you doing the math, you have probably figured out that I was pregnant throughout my entire first year of law school. When my husband and I found out that I was pregnant, we decided to forge ahead. I would stay in law school, he would stay at his job, and we would make it all work.

Of course, our dreams of how easy pregnancy would be were sorely misplaced. Going through pregnancy is quite often a bumpy road. And let me tell you, pregnancy during law school is by no means easy sailing. The end result, though, is a reward so great it’s indescribable. I love motherhood, and I love being a law school mom.

That said, most of you probably want to know what it’s actually like to be pregnant during law school and what to expect. Can you do it? Absolutely. Are there some things you need to be aware of and realistic about? Absolutely. Let me share my story and tell you a few things I believe are essential to surviving law school while pregnant.

During my first trimester, I managed to escape any and all forms of morning sickness. While I believe other moms may hate me for the lack of actual sickness, I did suffer from extreme exhaustion. I wanted – and needed – to be crafting my ability to brief a case successfully. Instead, I found myself falling asleep while highlighting and struggling to keep up with reading assignments. Which brings me to my first point…

You need to understand that your grade point average may take a hit. I will be blunt with you: my grades would have been better had I not been pregnant my first year of law school. Even if you don’t have any type of pregnancy complications, there are other normal pregnancy “side effects” that are likely to take a toll on your studying ability. Exhaustion and irritability go hand in hand with law school. Add in pregnancy and you get a bubbling cauldron of emotions and potential difficulty in dedicating yourself to law school studies.

My second trimester progressed relatively smoothly. Sure, I may have started to outgrow my regular pants and I may have been regularly eating eat bizarre foods (cream cheese and green olive sandwiches, anyone?), but no major issues with my pregnancy arose. However, this was the point when I began to tell classmates that I was expecting and I first spoke with my school about how they handled pregnant law students in the past. This brings me to two more essential points. To be continued...