In Exam Purgatory

In college I only ever pulled one all-nighter. I had a lengthy paper due in my Women's Lit class for which I had done very little reading (surprise, surprise!). Somehow I muddled through and got a passing grade on my paper. My current boyfriend, now Madhubby, was very impressed with my stamina and ability to just Get It Done.

But all-nighters are not the norm for me. I don't require much sleep - five or six hours will do - but I DO need those five or six hours in order to function as a semi-articulate human being. Anything less and I am seriously impaired.

Last week, I got fifteen hours of sleep. By Friday night I could barely string two coherent sentences together, but I felt an unusual amount of clarity during my exam. In retrospect, it was my body making its final push before crashing and burning because after finishing that four hour exam, I left the law school, went home and immediately crashed for the next nine hours. Oh, beautiful, beautiful sleep that had been so guiltily taken the previous week!

Last night I was back to my regular five hour schedule and tonight I will snatch a few more morsels of sleep because next week I will be back in Zombie Town. I have an exam due Thursday, but I'm going skiing at least two days between now and then because I can and because skiing focuses my attention on something other than how much my life sucks right now.

Fuzzy Perspective

The day after tomorrow I have an exam for which I have done minimal prep. I have an outline. No, it's not my own outline. That really would be extraordinary this late in the law school game. I have completed a half dozen CALI lessons, but I still don't see the "big picture." Or maybe, the picture is just a little fuzzy right now because it's 1am and I've drank half a bottle of wine.

I've Come Undone

I am drowning under a mountain of work pressing down upon me as the final exam period nears. The stress of writing yet another comprehensive paper is wearing on me and I am rough around the edges. I bark orders at my husband, at my children, and at the guy in front of me who does not order his food fast enough for my liking. I am coming apart at the seams.

I spend a lot of time in the car driving (fast) to the the preschool, the elementary school, the middle school, and the law school. The only reprieve I get from the insanity is found within the familiar walls of my gym. I am at peace for those sixty to ninety minutes when I am sweating to Ne-Yo, climbing fast and furious up an imaginary mountain or pushing my body to its limits alternating fast walking with even faster running. Friends notice my transformation. I am fit, lean, and running on pure adrenaline, stress, and fruit-flavored meal supplements.

I count the days in iCal. There are only two weeks until the end - two weeks until I reclaim my weekends and evenings. For now, my very worst traits are on display and the full force of them is aimed at those closest to me. I must redirect before I say one too many self-esteem damaging things to my children. My husband insists sex will help with the stress but instead of appreciating him, I push him away and retreat further. The only thing that can save me now is the end of the final exam period. It is the only light at the end of this very dark and very lonely tunnel.

3L is 1L Minus the Blind Optimism

So when did 3L start feeling like 1L? It's 12:45am on a Friday and I'm still awake, working on a fucking memo for my advanced writing class, and nursing a Shiner Hefeweizen, which sucks by the way. My ex used to drink Shiner Bock when we lived in Dallas and he usually has pretty good taste in beer, so I thought I'd give the Shiner brew a try because I'm always looking for new beers. Well, I can mark another one off my list.

But this damn memo! Gawd, I've been working on this thing for about 30 hours now. I'm on the rewrite but still it sucks. It refuses to die but come hell or high water (or bad beer), I'm putting this baby to bed by Saturday night. Or at least by NFL Pregame at the very latest.

It's Official

I just submitted my Intent to Graduate card and I checked the "Participating in Commencement" box. If I were a single gal, then I would spend commencement at home, watching Little House on the Prairie reruns. But I'm not a single gal and I feel obliged to participate for my family's sake.

A good friend of mine vowed she would not participate in commencement; she had skipped her undergraduate one too. Three years ago, I watched her walk across the stage and accept her empty diploma cover. Later, I asked her why she had changed her mind. She told me getting her law degree took her away from her girls - she had four - and all they wanted was to see her accept her diploma. The pomp and circumstance, the robe and the tassels, the empty diploma cover - it made law school real to them. Finally, they understood why she was away from home so much and they looked forward to commencement because, for them, it signaled an end to the days of mom being away from home.*

It's the same for me. I will participate for my family. My family has sacrificed so much to get me to this point and I owe it to them to attend. Plus, I have been on this path for a while now and my girls, my mother, my aunties in Alabama, and my good friend who walked the stage for her girls would be so disappointed if I skipped this last educational rite of passage.


*My friend opened her own law firm shortly after graduation and she now employs four attorneys, three paralegals, and one legal secretary. She still works just as much as she always has.

Procrastination Pays Off

My criminal law professor deserves a big ol' slobbery kiss on the mouth, maybe with a flit of tongue, because he has so earned it. Not only did he end class thirty minutes early but he has saved me the pain of shelling out $150 for a textbook.

He recommended we buy the old edition of the text, if we can find it, because it will "work just fine" for his class. Yeah, the page numbers for cases might not perfectly sync up but other than that, he says, there have been few significant updates to the case book. I trust him. He's been teaching criminal law for longer than I've been alive so I think he's a reliable source.

Of course, there are those eager beavers (as in 99% of the class) who bought the book before school started, so they're out a thick wad of money. But me? I hopped on Amazon and found a "like new" old edition for $5.78. 1-click and I'm out. I even sprung for the expedited shipping because cheap and fast is how I like my textbooks.

Sweet Words

I visited The West Education Network (TWEN) site of my writing class to check for an advanced assignment but there was none posted. There was only a brief message, the text of which made my heart oh so happy (and quite relieved):

I have not made any advanced assignment. Enjoy the rest of your summer!

The End of Erwin

8:07 am: I receive an e-mail from my Advanced Con Law professor that includes the phrases:

• group exercises
• mandatory attendance
  
• required class participation

8:10 am: Advanced Con Law is dropped from my schedule.

I've already taken three additional Constitutional Law classes beyond the 1L required class and I worked my butt of in each one. Individual Rights was my fluff class but those phrases above swiftly shattered all my slothful hopes and dreams.

Sure, I could stay in the class and be a rock star because I know the material, but I've never been a gunner and I'm not about to start now. And really, how many times does a person need to read Griswold, or Mathews, or Carolene Products? So I say: so long Chemerinsky! It was good knowing ya.

Grades Revisited

Remember that really bad grade I got in Environmental Law? Yeah, it wasn't my fault. A mistake was made. Grades were entered incorrectly and I actually got a C. Yes, my school screwed up and gave me, and possibly other people in my class, a grade TWO deviations below my actual grade. And, yes that grade then made me doubt my mastery of environmental regulations. But it's all good now. Obviously, I still need to work on my enviro law but at least the jumping off point is higher than I previously thought.

Grades

My last spring grade posted yesterday, a B- in a seminar class. It is a grade I expected unlike the D+ I received in Environmental Law. Apparently, I am not as well-versed in environmental regulations as I thought (or at least not compared to my classmates), which does not bode well for next semester's environmental heavy course load.

See, my primary area of interest has changed: from Civil Rights to Environmental and Natural Resources. I envision myself working on policy issues related to clean water and clean air, with some energy law thrown in for good measure, and eventually segueing into solo practice of toxic torts or regulatory compliance consulting services. Not that my dream is dead but a D+, in a "major" class, momentarily rattles my self-confidence.

Science Matters

We spent all day in a nearby town participating in the Junior Solar Sprint and Fuel Cell Competition where Lizzie's team did very well racing their Hydrogen car.  It was great fun spending time with other families from across our state who were just as stoked about giving up their Saturday for a nerdy, scientific event.  The kids had lots of fun and were all really good sports despite the long day spent inside a high school gym.  I also think it's pretty cool that Lizzie now has an itsy-bitsy resume bullet and she's only eleven years old!  Plus, she got a really cool t-shirt and a fun heat-activated pencil.  All fun and interesting stuff for her mom who is newly interested in Renewable Energy and such.  

I feel so lucky to be a part of our public school system!  I am constantly amazed by the excellent education my children receive and I am so thankful for our middle school staff because they are really committed to providing excellent educational opportunities to students and creating a genuinely inclusive school community.  Only one other middle school from our town participated in the competition, which means a lot of those other kids probably aren't even studying renewable energy in their schools.  It could be a funding issue, but our projects were grant funded so the money is out there for those other kids, too.  

Oh, and my evidence final went ok.  I have no idea how I did but the main thing is it's over and I am pretty sure I didn't fail.  On to Enviro Law and my relatively compact (eleven pages), but nearly complete, seminar paper.  Then, one week of break before summer term starts.  

The Obligatory Finals Post

I have two exams and two papers this finals period.  Both papers have been written - one will be submitted today - and I am awaiting "extensive comments" from my professor before submitting the final draft of another paper; I have two weeks after receiving comments to submit my final draft to complete my upper-level-writing requirement.  

Environmental Law and Evidence are both exam classes.  Enviro is complicated, but regulatory so it's simply matter of studying the regulations, Cooperative Federalism, and the evolution of Environmental Law.  If I get the same grade on the final exam that I got on the midterm, then I will do just fine. 

Evidence is tricky flat-out sucks.  So this weekend, my Evidence E&E and I are going to find a well-lit room, with no internet access, and get to know each other.  It should be an awesome time.  

 

And Then There Were Seven

My last set of law school classes ever:

Agency, Partnership, and the LLC
Advanced Legal Writing
Criminal Law
Land Use Planning
National Environmental Policy Act
Public Education and the Law
Trusts and Estates

Registration Anticipation

Registration is this week, which means I will soon register for my last set of law school classes ever.  I can't really describe how good it feels to know graduation is just on the other side of fall.  The end of this journey is bittersweet because there are classes I would have really enjoyed, like Federal Indian Law, that I never got around to taking and, at this late stage, have completely forsaken.  

This semester I loved Environmental Law a lot more than I thought I would and I could see myself practicing it, but there is no time to take the other classes that make up the environmental "major;" I am too far down the Con Law/Civil Rights path.  Not that I have any regrets about my chosen path. I had Poverty Law, Gender and the Law, Employment Law, Family Law - all good, substantive classes that will serve me well should I hang my own shingle.  

But I do still have a little time and, thanks to cross-registration, I can take a few graduate level environmental courses.  And I will.  They will be a good complement to Trusts & Estates and, of course, Public Education Law.  

Then there is fall.  The schedule is limited for someone like me.  I have not taken any corporate governance classes nor do I plan to before leaving law school for good.  Corporations, Basic Tax, UCC - I'm sure they are all good classes but, goodness, do they sound dull.  I will take my fifth Constitutional Law class, maybe an immigration law class, or patents, definitely Oil & Gas Law.  A smattering of choices representing my broad interests, though no Advanced Family Law is being offered, which is disappointing because I had a bad Family Law professor and could use a refresher.  

In the end, though the journey is different, the destination is the same as my classmates.  We will be equipped with the basic knowledge - though not ready in my estimation - to practice law.  I'm still not quite set on how my legal career looks.  A fellowship sounds nice, but launching a solo practice sounds nicer.  That is a post for another day, though.  Today, I am looking forward to the end.  

End of the Salad Days

In the opening scenes of Raising Arizona, H.I. McDunnough waxes poetic about "Salad Days." The phrase "Salad Days" actually dates back to the period of the Romans and refers to a time of youth, innocence, and inexperience.  My Salad Days officially ended when I began law school and now each break from that circle of hell is a heady reprieve.  

Last week was Spring Break and it was a leisurely break spent taking walks, watching NCAA basketball, and exploring new, soon-to-be favorite haunts.  I did almost no law school work and it was pure bliss. 

Then came Sunday night, with the realization that I had to return to school Monday morning, and I asked myself why?  Why did I stay in law school? Why, after I took an eighteen month maternity break, did I return to this place for which I harbor so much oft expressed hatred?! I should have stayed away - permanently relinquished my place in the class. Instead, I willingly returned to law school! I heralded the end to my own Salad Days. What the hell is wrong with me?!

Forward Motion

It's February 14th already? Wow. This month sure is moving right along, but that's fine with me because each day that goes by gets me that much closer to graduation. And school? It is what it is: a means to an end. I put one foot in front of the other, keep on moving and think to myself: A year from now I will (hopefully) be a lawyer or at least a reasonably sane person with a law degree.

Lost Momentum

Help! I've lost my momentum and I don't know where it went!  I am one semester away from finishing the J.D.  One semester, but most days I just feel like stopping and quietly walking away from it all.  

Every day is a struggle.  Not just class days, though those days are especially hard with getting four people out of bed and out the door by 7:30am, but all the other days in between, too. Sometimes, on class days, breakfast is oatmeal in plastic to-go cups (what?!  I'm not paying $2 for the "official" Oatmeal To-Go.  That's just crazy!).  Sometimes breakfast is missed entirely,* but not too often that social services needs to get involved.  

Non-class days are hectic because those are my make-up days when I catch up on class reading, go to the gym, clean the house, chat with friends, and generally try to pretend law school isn't sucking the fun out of my life.  Weekends are also out of control because in addition to all that other stuff I try to do, I actually want to spend time with my family, too.  

And, of course it's birthday season.  Though, I guess every month is really birthday season, but it seems lately we spend our weekends shopping for birthday gifts and/or attending birthday parties. Just this past Saturday we were away from home the entire day because Olie had back-to-back birthday parties for which we had not done a lick of shopping, thus requiring us to spend more time at the mall than any young family should.  

 

So even my weekends are workdays and I'm miserable.  I'm tired all the time, whiny (obviously), and constrained by mandatory attendance requirements, which means the snow day I took today was done with some trepidation and the knowledge that in ten weeks time, I will be sitting in a classroom staring longingly out the window at my classmates who saved their absences for warm, sunny days instead of cold, dreary ones.  

*Yes, I know all about the link between breakfast and kids' school performance, which is why I keep plastic cups on hand in the first place. 

3L

As of today, I have attended all my spring classes and they don't suck too much. Three of my four courses have mandatory attendance requirements which, for a rebel like me, is an invitation to cut class. The way I see it, missing class is my personal prerogative. Especially when I'm the one paying for the class. And if you are the kind of suck-ass professor who uses PowerPoints and videos to teach class, then your class really isn't worth my time anyway. Oh, that's right, I need your stupid class to graduate. Honestly, I think the administration purposefully chooses PowerPoint-inspired professors to teach required classes as a way of torturing law students. As if law school isn't torture enough.

The only bright lights, in what is sure to be a dull semester, are my two seminar classes. Each compliments the other and both use my favorite testing method: paper. I heart "paper" classes and I will take as many as I possibly can because I love them and they help buoy my GPA.

Unfortunately, I think the law school is on to those of us who embrace the "paper" class. I recently learned classes of ten or less students (used to be twenty) are subject to the mandatory curve. So seminar classes that were an easy B+ are a thing of the past. Some people will get B-pluses, but many more will get B's.

Still, I usually know I will get some sort of B when I take a paper class, unlike when I take [class omitted to protect my anonymity] with a professor who awards TWENTY participation points to his favorite students. I was not one of his favorite students and I finished well out of the curve in that class. Of course I will challenge the grade and of course I will lose because - repeat after me - it's law school and no one gives a sh*t what I think.

Unscheduled

Sometimes my law school really rocks.  Okay, it doesn't actually rock, but sometimes it does suck less than normal. Other times, it's quite clear why many students have vowed never to donate any money to the alumni association.  A class schedule tailored to offer more "bar" classes, dismal class offerings for evening students, and an administration that regards students as little more than tuition checks all contribute to the unhappiness.   

Adjunct faculty is another hotly debated topic at my school.  Several years ago, the class schedule was packed with classes taught by adjuncts.  Students rebelled via unfavorable faculty evaluations. The number of adjuncts was reduced, but lately their numbers have been on the rise again.  I stayed clear of the fracas.  What do I care if my Criminal Procedure class is taught by a law professor or a defense attorney?  Personally, I think practicing attorneys have more knowledge than strict academics; both make good teachers. 

But when I spend ridiculous amounts of time reading faculty evaluations, picking classes, and registering for classes until I have the perfect, family-friendly schedule only to have a class cancelled because the adjunct has a "trial opportunity too good to pass up," my semester gets screwed up really fast and, yeah, I start to feel some hostility toward adjuncts.  No, I can't just add a class.  Yes, I have already explored all the other class options and the classes I chose fit perfectly around the girls' school schedule.  Then I remember, oh yeah, I'm in law school, and presumed to not have a life outside of class, so no one really gives a sh*t.