For the Athletically Challenged

When I was in elementary school, we played games like kick ball, football, and floor hockey. Those were the good old days before schools created games to make less athletic kids feel included. Back then, if you couldn't kick, hit, or throw a ball, then you had the bad luck of being picked last when teams were chosen. It wasn't fair but neither is life. 

Enter a kinder, gentler era where kids are randomly assigned to teams and cup stacking is a sport. Yes, cup stacking, also known as Sport Stacking. Sport Stacking requires participants to stack cups in a certain fashion (e.g. three stacks of three cups). The opponent is time and the stacker with the fastest time wins. It is an utterly stupid concept - it is not a freaking sport -designed to make non-athletes feel better about their genetic weaknesses. 

Sport Stacking even has it's own association that hosts international events. Several of our local schools have cup stacking clubs. The general public validates it so maybe we should all just accept that cup stacking is here to stay. Wrong. 

Last week, Olie, a kid who needs lots of daily exercise, was forced to do Sport Stacking as her P.E. activity. We both agreed it was a stupid way to spend P.E. because there is nothing physical about cup stacking. 

It's no wonder fifth-grade kids at her school do not know how to throw a baseball or shoot a basketball; ten-year-old kids do not learn basic sports skills but they can stack nine cups in three seconds. Oh boy!

The "everyone is a winner/should be included" trend, of which Sport Stacking is part of, is annoying. I am that parent who refuses to accept the trophies my daughter receives at the end of every sports season because kids don't need trophies simply for participating. Trophies should be reserved for excellence.  The "reward" my child gets from participating is improved health, camaraderie, and competition. 

She doesn't need a trophy to validate or encourage her participation in sports and schools shouldn't force kids to do Sport Stacking just so other, less athletic kids, feel included. It's ridiculous. 

School Politics

I have a natural tendency to stir up controversy. I know this and I own it. Challenging authority, engaging in lively debates with my friends, and voicing my opinions are just a part of who I am. I'm not going to apologize for it. Lucky for me I've got a cadre of girlfriends who are equally passionate and sparks really fly when we put our heads together.

Our latest crusade is raising hell at Parent-Teacher Organization (PTO) meetings. PTO meetings are currently held in the middle of the afternoon, which might be okay if they were at least held over the lunch hour, but they are not; meetings are held in the middle of the afternoon. I have always thought the chosen time was a thinly veiled ploy by the PTO board to discourage working parent participation.

At other area schools, meetings are held in the evening so working parents can attend. Not so at our school and it smacks of elitism because our school attracts a specific parent type: upper middle-class to affluent professionals. The parents who run our PTO and head our school do not understand that outside our little school bubble exists a world where people, a lot of them parents of children at our school, have no control over their workday. To schedule meetings that are impossible for certain parents to attend is a smack in the face made even more repugnant when the other hand is outstretched for donations; direct donation by parents is our only school fundraiser that yields an average of $45,000 for our school.

So I talked to some other moms about it and I e-mailed the principal too. I met a lot of resistance but I enlisted the help of some powerful sister-moms. Before long, PTO was the hot topic and by applying just a little bit more well-timed pressure, the powers that be have relented ever so slightly. One meeting will be held at 5:30 pm, which I think is still too early for working parents but it's progress that will silence my complaints for now.

I think PTO is secretly hoping no one will show for the later meeting, they are evil like that, just so they can say "Look, we tried and it didn't work." But us sister-mom's, we're on a mission and, if we have to, we will join the PTO board and shake things up from the inside out. For now, we're holding our collective breaths, staying our check writing pens, and keeping a keen eye out for more positive developments.

Token

Olie's school-wide MLK program was today. The kids were so cute, the parents were duly attentive, and the songs were inspirational, but the whole program was a little weird because, seriously, 317 white kids singing about their experiences with slavery comes off hollow. Several times, Madhubby leaned over to me and whispered they should have imported some kids. I agreed.

My child is the blackest child at her school even though she is bi-racial. I can say this with absolute certainty because the school is very small and my face is the only black one there. Naturally, everyone knows us. There are two other bi-racial children, one is Olie's little playmate, Mia, the other is Mia's older brother, Jaden. Their mother doesn't even look black and, I suspect, has "passed" for most of her life. But still, she sought us out for both camaraderie and, as she so bluntly put it, she wants her child to have friends who look like her, which in our school district, is difficult to find.

Of course the idea that a school would host a program with kids from other schools is absurd, but the distinctive lack of diversity at Olie's school tainted the program for me and made me yearn for a more ethnically diverse student body. I think the kids genuinely enjoyed performing in the program and didn't give their roles a second thought, but I know the blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl who played Martin Luther King, Jr. will never experience racism the way blacks in 1964 and 2008 have experienced it.

Both my grandmother and my mother lived in the segregated south and both experienced racism that I can only imagine, but which still persists in modern day Alabama. They were called nigger and my mother vividly remembers blacks had to use the rear entrance to a local theater; a practice to shameful to her that my mother never attended movies as a child. My grandmother, my mother and her five siblings marched with Dr. King from Selma to Montgomery. They heard him speak. They experienced a time in history that is indescribable to the younger generation. When we head south this summer, we will revisit history.

For now, I am waiting for the day when Olie asks me: where the all the other brown children? Lizzie didn't start to feel out of place in her school until third grade and I had no answers for then, and it's unlikely I will have discovered a better one in the next two years.

Pills, Patches, and Condoms

I read on MSN that a Maine middle school is going to offer contraception, including birth control pills and contraceptive patches, to its students. Some of the students are as young as eleven years old. Um..I have a problem with that. I have an eleven year old in middle school and if she were going to the school health center for birth control pills I think I would need to know that.

A supporter of the soon-to-be passed birth control policy basically says kids might not talk to their parents about sex and birth control or that the kid might not feel comfortable approaching his or her parent. Ok. Some parents suck at talking to their kids but it's still not the school's job to fill that role. How about offering communication classes to families to help them deal with that issue?

My daughter's middle school has an Interventionist Specialist whom I can go to with any concerns I have. If I feel I cannot approach my daughter, then the Interventionist Specialist will do it for me in a safe and non-threatening way. It's family therapy light. But, we don't have that issue. We talk about boys and dating in an only-slightly-uncomfortable-for-me kind of way.

Another big problem I have with the birth control policy, that the article does not discuss, is the legal question of how a school is going to prescribe a minor child birth control pills without parental consent. Students must first get written parental consent to be treated at the center, but the treatment is confidential. I would think at some point, the parents are going to know. At some point, the parents need to know. I certainly would want to know if my daughter is having sex and needs contraception or - worse - if she has an STD or is pregnant. Honestly, if my daughter is having sex and I don't know it, then something is amiss in my household that no school policy can fix.

I know some of my readers have middle schoolers and a lot of you have children. What do you think about this? Does it irk you too or do you think it's good policy?

White Flight

In Lafayette, a neighboring community, white flight has really changed the demographics of the local schools. We originally settled in Lafayette when we relocated to Colorado because the houses were bigger and the rents were lower. I loved it there. It was a family-friendly, suburban nabe and it still is, but it is has sort of become the Colorado poster child for immigration.

Over the years, the Mexican population has increased while the Caucasian population has markedly decreased. The city has struggled to retain its middle class roots, embracing new development and adopting a plan of aggressive gentrification. It hasn't completely stemmed the flow of whites out of the city, though, so the Boulder Valley school board has limited the enrollment of Lafayette children into neighboring schools in an effort to "force" whites to stay in their home schools. The fallout has been huge. "For Sale" and "For Rent" signs have sprung up in nearly every middle-to-upper class Lafayette neighborhood and home prices have stagnated.

My friends who live in Lafayette refuse to talk about white flight. They couch their decision to leave their schools in terms like "freedom of choice" and "opportunity." They denounce bi-lingual education in their own schools but applaud it in other more "racially balanced" schools. Hypocrites! I think but do not say. How is a school that is 98% Hispanic any worse than a school that is 98% Caucasian? Is it because suddenly Caucasian children are thrust into the position of the minority and that's something with which their parents are not comfortable? But, I ask you, isn't it better for our children to learn Spanish from native speakers? To me, there is really is no difference which racial group is dominant, but maybe it's easier for me to dismiss racial differences because my children will never attend a school composed entirely of children who look like them.

History Written by the Winners

Lizzie's school has a really fun and interactive way for the kids to explore the history of Ellis Island. Kids are randomly assigned to "family" groups and are responsible for determining the relationship of each person in their family. Lizzie was originally the mother of her family but all of her "children" thought she should be at least forty years old. She told them "no, that's too old" and opted to be a twenty-nine year old older sister instead.



On "immigration day," the children must all dress like immigrants for the voyage and subsequently navigate their way through Ellis Island, which is a tiny room chosen solely because of its limited holding capacity (only a dozen kids at a time can enter). Some kids were lucky enough to get their green cards. Others were not so lucky. No green card means a lot of different things during the immigration project: denial of hot lunch and denial of some other classroom perks like free time. This week, Lizzie will apply for citizenship. She has to take a mock citizenship test and be endorsed by a citizen in good standing - either a teacher or parent.

When the TAG coordinator originally told me about the project, I was really intrigued but then concerned about the stress the fifth graders had to endure. No green card = no lunch?! But, the TAG coordinator reassured me that no child has gone hungry while engaged in the project

Another little tidbit that was shared with parents, but not the students, is that the harsh treatment only lasts until the children revolt. Some classes revolt in two weeks. Some classes take longer. Lizzie is having a grand ol' time learning and re-enacting the history of this country, so I think it will be awhile before she gets frustrated to the point of fighting back.

Overall, I think our public school does a fair job of teaching the children history but I do wish more of the "unpopular" history was taught. Definitely black history but I also think the kids should also know about Germany's version of the Boy Scouts and how people are dying every day to enjoy the few freedoms we do have.

So much of our history is distorted and watered down for the sake of the children but really don't our children have a right to know that "liberty and justice for all" really only applies to a select few?

Balancing Act

As a momma of three children between the ages of 2 and 12, I occasionally must check myself lest I push my oldest child, Lizzie, too hard and too fast. I've been known to be a bit controlling and overbearing so keeping myself in line is a very difficult task.

Recently, Lizzie had the opportunity to test into a very high level math class for next year (6th grade). Her standardized test scores place her in the 98th percentile for math and she has always been in the advanced math group at school but math is not her favorite subject. She'd rather hunt for bugs or explore Boulder Creek for marine life any day.

Still, as her parent, I was compelled to make her take the advanced placement test because taking the advanced class now frees up her high school schedule so she can take some additional fun science classes; she will have completed Advanced Geometry by the end of 8th grade leaving her only two math classes to take in high school. I really struggled with whether forcing her to take the test was the best thing for her but eventually decided it was.

As children, I don't think we see the bigger picture. As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children make the best decisions, which sometimes means choosing a path for them. Also, it helped that Lizzie saw a good friend from her old school while testing. The two girls were giddy thinking they might be in at least one class together.

Of course, I can be a "Love & Logic" parent when I need to be. Like last night. Lizzie waited until the very last minute to complete her science fair project. She had over a month to get her work done but she was up late last night completing it. Since she worked all this weekend on it, she didn't practice piano at all. So, she has to practice for ninety minutes today. It's a bummer for her but she realizes it's her own fault. So, why do I feel so terrible this morning?

No Room in the Sandbox

Our request to transfer Olie's school: DENIED.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Schoolyard Drama

It's done. We've officially requested to change Olie's school. The reaction from our current principal is shock; she thought we had "worked it out." Um...no. You told us how you were going to handle it and we disagreed with your course of action. That is not working it out. That is you hiding behind policy and trying to force us to believe your "kids will be kids" crap.

In the meantime, my child is still a punching bag for this other kid. If I allowed her to remain in a situation where she is being physically abused, on a daily basis, and is afraid if this kid even looks in her direction, then I would be failing in my duty to protect her.

I don't think changing schools is running away. Changing schools makes sense for our family. We should not have to live in fear of this other child; fearful that one day he will bring a gun or a knife into school. My child is a target for this other child and our school refuses to do anything about it. So, we must take action. We must stand up for what is right even as the school turns a blind eye.

So, no, we are not teaching our child to run away. We are teaching her that she has the power to choose her own path. That she always has options and that it does not matter if other people disagree with her. All that matters is that she has faith in her decisions.

Problem Child

Olie has been having trouble with a boy at school. He pushes her down, he punches her and, today, he deliberately threw a ball at her face, necessitating a visit to the Health Office and an ice pack. Olie's tormentor is five years old, like her, but his parents don't seem to care or want to change his behavior.

So, last Friday, Madhubby and I had a sit-down with the school principal. She suggested a three-pronged attack: teach Olie to be more assertive, the school psychologist will continue to work with the boy on identifying boundaries, and she, herself, will address the issues with extended kindergarten care. I had a suggestion, too: expel the troublemaker. Just do away with this whole "kids aren't bad, it's their behavior" crap and meet the problem head-on. Just admit that, yeah, sometimes, kids suck and some most parents are too lazy to do anything about it, so the school needs to take action. I don't think she liked my suggestion.

But, I know my daughter is not the only child this boy torments. He has frequently been in the Principal's office and his parent's have been made aware of his behavior, yet it continues. Today, I teared up when Olie recounted her day and how this boy, this little chubby faced kid, took a ball and deliberately threw it at her head, and smirked when she began crying. No apologies. Just *BAM!* He could have blinded her! Or paralyzed her when he hit her square in the spine while standing in line. His punishment was a five minute time-out. How about a good, old-fashioned spanking.

Back in my day (here I go), kids who misbehaved got whipped with a yard stick, in front of the whole class. It wasn't considered abuse. It was discipline and not one of us blew up the school or killed our principal. Nope. At least one of us went to college, had children, bought home and went to law school.

We didn't die, but parents today are so self-righteous. They don't want any interference and they definitely don't want to be told they are fucking up at their most important responsibility.

If this were normal, playground taunting, I would be less incensed, but this kid causes my daughter actual physical pain and that, I will not abide.

Hey, Buddy, Can You Spare $7787

The fifth graders fell 599 boxes short of their fundraising goal. Their target of 1500 would have netted them the amount they needed for all eighty children to attend the Outdoor Education program next spring.

Now, I don't know what will happen. I expect the kids will each get a mini-grant and parents will be responsible for paying the difference, which will be difficult for some of the families on fixed incomes. The worst case scenario -- and by far the most unfair -- is that none of the kids will get to go on the camping trip. My MIL thinks this is a fine idea since "kids can go outside and play. They don't need Outdoor Education." Okay, then.

I think the PTA should kick in the difference. Some of the fault does rest with the fifth grade teachers for putting all their eggs -- or cookies -- in one basket. I suggested some other great fundraising ideas (as did other parents) but none of those were chosen. The teachers decided to go with cookie dough because they raised 18k three years ago. But, now, our kids are short the money they need and there are no easy solutions. Only hard choices.

Taking the Fun Out of Fundraisers

Next spring Lizzie will be treated to a two night stay at a local camp that bills itself as the gold standard for outdoor education. The camping experience is part of the Fifth grade curriculum and falls under "Outdoor Education." At our last school, the cost for the fifth grade trip was borne almost entirely by the school. This time around, we're at a different, slightly less affluent school and we've been called upon to fundraise.

I have no qualms with fundraising unlike so many other folks. It can be fun and its for a good cause. We're the first ones to pick up our order forms and we enthusiastically set out to sell the most cookies/entertainment books/wrapping paper to unknowing friends and neigbors. This year, though, I am dreading fundraising.

The cost for the trip is $160 but the tricky part is that we don't have to just sell enough to cover Lizzie's part. We must sell as much as we can in case the lazy parents down the block - who want their kid to go to Outdoor Ed - decide to just sit on their asses. Yep, the goal for all fifth grades is 11k. So, if only three kids sell 11k, then everyone still gets to go. It's unlikely that this will happen but I have known a Girl Scout to sell over $5,000 in cookies. Is this fair?

I'm not worried about my kid selling enough to cover her part. Heck, I'd rather just write a check for the $160 than peddle cookie dough (who came up with that idea so close to GS cookie season?). The issue I do have is that there were other better suggestions for fundraising that didn't require our kids to prey on friends and neighbors - like a yard sale or talent show - yet this is the idea chosen because, well, it worked so well for us two years ago. Yeah, and I'm sure that all those people who bought eighteen thousand dollars worth of cookie dough still have it sitting in their freezer and will probably not be too keen on buying any more. Just a thought.

But, like dutiful parents, we will take our order forms to work and convince co-workers, overweight or diabetic, that no family dinner is complete without a three pound tub of Snickerdoodle dough.

Trepidation of Heart

Earlier this week, I posted about Lizzie and our impending middle school choice. At that time, I was 100%, unequivocally going to send her to a school other than our neighborhood school. Today, I have reconsidered.

I have a theory: If everyone who open-enrolls to another school invested time and energy into making their neighborhood school a better place, would BVSD be as polarized as it is today? I think some of the neighborhood schools that are doing poorly would do better because students would be attending school with the people who live in their neighborhood all the while creating a real sense of community.

Neighborhood schools remind me of my own educational experience - small and friendly. But, the educational playing field has changed. Children as young as twelve years old are taking the SATs. Twelve! As parents, it is our responsibility to equip our children with the tools they need to succeed in this world. And, if that means the academically rigourous school ten miles down the road - then so be it.

Honestly, my biggest gripe about our neighborhood middle school is the lack of advanced or honors classes in subjects other than math. Sure, Lizzie is advanced in math so she will get the benefit of the advanced class but she's also advanced in Language Arts and has a keen interest in science. And, I know she's not the only student nor I the only parent who feels this way. Our TAG coordinator will be scheduling a parent coffee because so many of us parents are uncertain about the challenges - or lack thereof- that our children will be asked to face in middle school.

Really, the local middle school curriculum ought to be expanded to include advanced offerings in those subjects, too. When I spoke to the school administrator about my concerns and compared our school to another middle school - in a neighboring district - she simply replied: that's not our district. I know it's not our district! That's my point. Our schools consistently outperform their district on state assessments yet their schools are the ones implementing advanced classes at the middle school level. Soon, they may pass us as we remain mired in the "middle school is for social growth not academics" mindset. I have another plan: to attend the upcoming school open houses and ask these tough questions. Face to face in a room full of other parents who probably have some of the same concerns. If I like the answers I get, we'll enroll on the spot. Otherwise, we're scouting out other schools.

I want Lizzie to stay with her friends. I don't want to drive her to a school outside of our neighborhood. But, I will. And, if all else fails, I may just nominate myself to teach an Advanced Language Arts class.

Another Colorado School Shooting: Platte Canyon High School

Are the kids people in our state just more depressed than people in other states? Two kids told my Kindie and her little friend that they were going to kill them. It makes me angry, scared and sick to my stomach all at the same time. It is truly a scary time to be a parent. Our thoughts are with the family of the injured girl: Gunman shoots hostage during raid, commits suicide


Update: the hostage who was shot during the raid has died. She had recently celebrated her sixteenth birthday. All of the other hostages were female and some of them were sexually assaulted. It's a sick, sick world. Click here for the most recent news and information.

As If There Were Ever Any Doubt

I had such dreams. Such hopes and aspirations that Lizzie would finally attend a neighborhood school for more than one grade. But, the Type A mama in me - you know the one - will not settle for anything less than the absolute best school for Lizzie. Which means one thing: a deceptively long nine mile commute into the nearest town because our neighborhood middle school is seriously lacking. It's either that or moving and the latter is not an option since we just closed on this house in January. So, back to the commute.

But, I tried. I really did. I gave the middle school a chance to be the good school I had hoped it could be. I did my due diligence. I perused the website and I spoke with the school's secretary and a guidance counselor. I even asked our current TAG (Talented & Gifted) coordinator for her recommendation. I really tried to give our neighborhood school the benefit of the doubt but I know it's just not a place where Lizzie will flourish. But the main reason - and it's a biggie - is the student body.

The kids in our neighborhood are much more mature than the kids with whom Lizzie attended school last year. Lizzie had a friend over from school last night. Another ten year old who also happens to have a flawless French manicure, a cell phone, drinks mocha lattes and is permitted to walk the mile-and-a-half to the local Target alone. Lizzie was impressed. I was horrified.

From the outside, this young woman passed the parental tests: polite, appropriately reserved and cool. But, "coolness" is a double-edged sword. I want Lizzie's friends to be cool in a "loves Nick @ Night, drinks Jamba Juice and thinks drugs are stupid" kinda way. Not in a "my mom's a crackhead and I piss caffeine" kinda way. Plus, a ten year old that can handle the death java is a tween to be feared.

The Great School Debate

Over at CityMama's place, there's been some talk about public schools (and how much SFUSD sucks). Here, in our mad household, we've had similar discusssions about public schools versus private schools versus charter schools. Well, I've monologued at length about the pros and cons and Madhubby has pretended to listen.

The issue is upon us because next year Lizzie enters Middle School (or Junior High, if you are from the Southeastern part of the U.S.). Aside from the normal angst I have about my daughter moving into the world of high stakes cliques and text messaging, is the fear that we will choose the wrong school for her and ultimately doom her to three years of hell on earth.

Yes, believe it or not, parents can actively participate in and shape our childrens academic future in this fine state of ours. In Colorado, the public school system operates under a "school of choice" policy. Essentially, parents can send their kids to any school they so choose. So, the end result is usually that a lot of kids go to schools outside of their neighborhoods and the schools are - some would argue - racially polarized.

For example, the Science and Math magnet school that Lizzie attended last year is 98% caucasian. Although it is a magnet school - 33% of their students come to them through open enrollment - it is also a neighborhood school, so it does mirror the demographics of the surrounding neighborhood. That 33% that open enrolls? Well, that represents us parents who didn't mortgage our firstborns to live in the trendy and radically overpriced neighborhood. Why pay a premium for housing when there's open enrollment?

So, the issue for us is: do we send Lizzie to our neighborhood middle school where she will only know a few of the kids from her fifth grade class OR do we open enroll to the trendy neighborhood school where she will know a majority of the kids from preschool, kindergarten and fourth grade? The odds are in favor of the trendy neighborhood school because she will (a) know a lot more people & (b) have a more academically challenging curriculum (a good thing!). And, then there's the charter school that has multi-aged classrooms where kids are grouped by interests and ability rather than "traditional" grade mores. The little nerd in Lizzie is "super stoked" about that one.

But, I won't be able to walk her and her sister to school in the mornings since the middle school is ten miles down the turnpike. We'll be doing the carpool thing or the "frantically racing down the turnpike oh, shit, I missed my exit and now she's going to be late" thing. Is that fair to her? Is that fair to her sister who won't have the benefit of a relaxed mom who can hang out at the school for a bit because it's only five minutes from our house?

Open enrollment starts December 1st. What would you do? Hopefully, I will have this all sorted out by the end of November. Otherwise, the only schools that will still have openings will be those that require our first and second born child, two organs and an eye. Hmm...how will we choose?