Thursday, April 13, 2006


It's pretty scary when I admit things to myself. The inner voice that's been whispering just beyond the haze jumps out and yells at me wehn I least expect it. Today, while sitting in traffic, it spoke up: You DO want to be a lawyer. Not for any noble cause or because you think the work is exciting (it's not) but because you want to make "crazy money" like your classmates who went to work for the ambulance chaser shyster. I want the $2400/wk job. I want all the trappings that go with it, too. Long work days are nothing compared to long work at home days. And, I haven't quit this job, yet.

I want to spend money like I used to when I was working -- with abandon. It was nothing to drop $150 in Vicki's. Hell, my husband didn't mind. Now, that $150 is earmarked for groceries not lingerie but I'll trade homemade dinners for sexy undies (almost) any day of the week. Of course, to get the $2400/wk job, I have to go back to law school and really try. No more blowing off class and readings. I have to become involved and do the kind of crap BIGLAW demands like journal work or moot court. I have to actually give a shit.

The scary part: I really don't think I can cut it. I'm afraid of failing miserably, bankrupting our family because I can't get a job and, because I have 160k in student loans, we'll have to sell one of the kids.

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