Tuesday, September 5, 2006

More Half-Truths and Other Lies

Good Morning! I hope you had a wonderful Labor Day. We got lots of home improvement project completed this weekend: a new stove (HOORAY!), a new double gate, and LOTS of new plantings for Fall.

September is shaping up to be a beautiful month. As promised, more insight into the lives of us crazy Boulderites, which should help get your September off to a humorous start. Enjoy!

  • A "bike ride" is at least a 4-6 hour event, a "shower" is optional.

  • Ugh. This is an unfortunate truth. There are a lot of stinky people in this town for precisely this reason. To bike is to be a good Boulderite. To forego showering so that everyone knows you're a good Boulderite is just plain funky.

  • The only women wearing makeup are over 50 years old.

  • Granola-chic never went out of style here. Boulder is probably one of the few hip cities in Colorado where you can get away with no makeup, no shaved legs or armpits and still be considered sexy by 75% of the male population. Some of the women dig it, too.

  • You know all 4 seasons: "winter," "two day spring,""drought season," and "one day fall".

  • Right now, we're stuck somewhere between drought season and one-day-fall. We're not getting any precipitation but the temp is hovering around 72 degrees. After ten years on the Range, I've gotten used to it. Newcomers are often surprised by how mild - and even hot - it can be here.

  • The 3 most popular bumper stickers are: "Free Tibet," "I love my dog," and any array of Democratic political candidates.

  • My favorites:

      DOG is my co-pilot

      Kid sports used to be FUN. Now, they're a RIOT.

      The Only Bush I Trust is My Own

  • The more holes a young person has in his clothes the more zeros are in his trust fund account balance.

  • They're called Trustafarians. And they totally suck.

  • April showers bring May blizzards.

  • Not so much since everyone is fucking up the ecosystem. We are all responsible for global warming. Put the car keys down and hop on your bike!

  • You tell someone you're training for a 10K and they tell you they're training for a marathon and the Ironman.

  • Many people move to Boulder because it's so runner friendly. Each year a record number of people participate in the Bolder Boulder. So, it's not unusual to talk to different people in various states of training for different events. One thing to keep in mind, though: training doesn't equal doing.

  • The true feud which divides people is between those who "board" and the "two-plankers."

  • The boarders sit in the middle of the mountain, wear headphones while they ride and have no respect for their fellow skier. Even still, they seem to have much more fun than us two-plankers. Comfy boots and a slight buzz will do that to ya.

  • You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka.

  • You must be my psychic friend! But, really, today it was 50 degrees and I wore jeans, a short sleeve shirt and sandals. I was very comfortable. Someone else called it "brave."

  • You've gone skiing in July.

  • Nope. I've never done this. Arapahoe Basin is the only ski area usually open this late in the season. And, then it's the expert runs. I'm strictly a groomed, advanced blue type of gal.

  • You've gone sunbathing in January.

  • Um...NO! Can you say "skin cancer?"

  • "Rio," "Pearl," and "Walnut" have nothing to do with Rio, pearls or walnuts.

  • Ahh...some of my favorite haunts. The Rio has awesome enchiladas and margaritas; Pearl Street has great atmosphere and some pretty cool people; and the Walnut Brewery is just very chill with great pork chops, beer and hometown hospitality. And, it's right next to the Foundry where a great game of pool is always to be had!
    Well, there you have it. Probably more than you wanted to or cared to know about peeps along the Front Range. But, now you do know: couch burning is ok (as long as there are no cops around); showers are optional; tea is mandatory; and everything you've heard about Boulder being weird is absolutely true!

    For more dirt, check out this story. And keep on rockin' in the free world/FREE Tibet/GO Vegan or however you do it.

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