Sunday, November 11, 2007

Mommy Wars Meme

I found this over at Pt-Lawmom's place. How did she know about my love affair with memes?! My answers are in olive.

Part 1. C-Sections and Elective Induction

A) Control freak psycho - You’re willing to risk your life, the life of your child, and probably the life of your third-cousin-once-removed just so you can plan the birth of your children around the schedule for Oprah.
B) Laid back pregnant martyr – This is simply the first in a lifelong series of selfless sacrifices you will make for the apple of your eye. Even if the kid wants to take up residence in your womb until he reaches Heavy Weight Boxing Championship proportions you should never, EVER interfere with nature.

2. Pain Relievers During Labor

A) Epidural-addicted weenie - You are again risking the life of your beloved, this time with your desperately selfish need for relief. You are proving early and unequivocally that since you don’t have the physical stamina to ‘breathe’ your way through 50 hours of squeezing a nine pound human out your vagina, you will be a complete and total failure as a mother.
B) Drug free and proud - Well, damn you, aren’t you just drug free and proud. VERY, VERY, VERY PROUD.

3. The appropriate place for birthing

A) Paranoid Hypochondriac – Apparently you don’t appreciate that birth has been happening since the beginning of time without assistance. You’ll be attached to wires at the hospital, confined to your bed like a prisoner.
B) Housebound Hippy – So convinced you are in the power of nature that you’ll risk your child’s life by birthing at home in the tub while combing your underarm hair.

4. Circumcision or No

A) Evil Personified - You sliced away at that poor little boy’s penis you evil, inhumane witch of a woman.
B) Evil Personified – Despite your husband’s protests, you chose not to snip, but you’re ready to send out for a mail order bride and pay for therapy when the many years of locker room taunting finally push him into a deep depression

5. Breastmilk or Formula

A) Cold Rubber Nipple- You fed your baby formula out of a plastic bottle with a cold rubber nipple, and now, not only is an Ivy League scholarship totally out of the question, your child will never be able to connect emotionally with anyone. He’ll be an emotionally cold rubber nipple of a person – just like you.
B) Warm Mommy’s Milk - Your belief that breast is best carries you through undaunted. Your baby will ween himself when he’s ready to give it up. So what if you have to interrupt recess so the kid can have a nip. Sleepovers, no problem, you can pump and send it along in his Superman Thermos. Your child will never leave your side, but life should be interesting for you when you’re taking classes at Harvard.

6. Breastfeeding in Public

A) Repressed Conservative Matriarch - You’ll starve your baby before enduring the shame of baring the slightest of nipple ever-so-briefly during dinner at TGIFriday’s
B) Nurse-In Lactivist – You pretend to care about feeding your hungry newborn, but actually you just thrive on flopping your boob out so you can make repressed conservative men squirm during dinner at TGIFridays.

7. Working or Staying Home

A) Materialistic Shrew- Hiring someone else to raise the children you never should have had so you can return to work just to eat fancy, expensive lunches and buy those cute Jimmy Choos
B) Domestic Goddess - Singlehandedly responsible for the reversal of decades worth of feminist advancement because you stay home, watch soaps and eat bon bons all day while that degree you never should have bothered to get gathers dust in the bottom drawer.

8. Cocktail Playdates

A) Drunk- Obviously you’re a lush, stuck in college and downing tequila poppers on the playground
B) Humorless – Not only don’t you ever indulge in the devil’s drink you really believe beer labels should simply read “Women who are [or have ever been] pregnant should never drink alcohol… again – EVER.”

9. Television

A) Pro-TV - Raising the next generation of mass murdering psychopaths
B) Anti TV - Raising the next generation of Scripps Howard Spelling Bee Winners.


PT-LawMom said...

Should have tagged my MILS buddies for this one. Guess I shouldn't bring a six-pack to the first post-law school MILS club meeting. ;) Thanks for spreading the meme joy.

LawSchoolMom said...

No, I drink! Just not at play dates. So, you can bring the six-pack and I'll make the appletinis.