Moody & less-than-perky soccer mom seeks warhorse van for shuttling kids to and from soccer games. Van must have excellent handling for navigating packed parking lots and dodging small children. Van should also have excellent acceleration for those wonderful times when one child's game ends at the same time as other child's game is beginning at a different park - two miles away.
Interior should be completely stain resistant to tears, mud, popcorn grease, Sunny Delight and blood. Must seat entire soccer team plus equipment. Prefer van already stocked with folding chairs, umbrellas, rain ponchos, kleenex and snacks. Must be available for work every Saturday through 2019. Five-seater cars need not apply.