Friday, May 16, 2008


Posting has been light because I'm in a blogging funk mostly because this blogging thing has not really turned out as I had hoped. I feel as though a lot of people in the blogosphere, myself included, sugarcoat a lot of their lives and instead present themselves as super happy, competent people who are capable of balancing It All and then some. Woe is the commenter who calls them on it.  And the whole "work club" thing where bloggers refuse to talk about their jobs is really not very helpful for other people who have genuine questions about balancing family and law firm life.  How are people supposed to know whether law firms are flexible if nobody ever freakin' talks about it?!

I know I haven't talked about the nitty-gritty difficulties of being a mom in law school: the rampant competition, the guilt I have when I spend too little or, rarely, too much time studying, the frustration of no longer being an "A" student, and the sick feeling I have because I know how much grades really do matter (no matter what people tell you), the social and academic fall-out that comes from opting out of study groups and, of course, the loneliness. 

Law school is incredibly lonely for me.  Very few of the people I know have children and those who do have a spouse who stays home with them.  That's great for them, but not for me.  I want to do well in school and not miss a moment of my children's lives either.  But it is not possible for me to be both a good mother and a good student.  I don't blame the "Mommy Wars," or whatever you want to call it.  I just don't want my children raised by someone else.  I am their mother and I firmly believe it does matter whether it's me or a nanny who takes them to school. 

Other bloggers think its perfectly fine to have other people raise their children.  One mother even shuttled her baby between three different babysitters so she could attend class. C'mon, is class really that important?  I think it is incredibly selfish on her part but, wait (!), bloggers aren't allowed to be judgmental especially when they are in the same blogging "clique." And that makes blogging this stupid, polite game where everyone minds their manners.  Sorry, but that's not real life.     

So from now on, I'm going to be more candid with you because you deserve it. Now, if you will excuse me, I must pack for my weekend in the mountains where Madhubby and I will drink wine, go hiking, watch porn, have lots of sex and celebrate eight years of semi-blissful marriage.