Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Coffee Test

A good friend of mine has a test she calls The Coffee Test, which is one of the many ways she determines whether a guy is a keeper or whether he is one for the rubbish pile. Basically, she says, after a certain period of time a guy with whom she is involved should know little things like how she likes her eggs, which kind of flowers she likes, and how she takes her coffee.

I've never pressed her on the specifics, like how much time does the guy get before being tossed, but I've known this friend for sixteen years now and she is very demanding, though she will tell you she is the sweetest creature to ever walk the earth. But knowing her then, when she met and married the man to whom she would stay married to for twelve years, and now, that she is newly divorced from that same man who turned out to be a gigantic ass, any future guy with whom she gets involved better know his cream from his sugar pretty damn quick or he's out on his ear. She's that tough and completely irrational all at the same time, which is why we are such good friends.

This morning it is my friend's Coffee Test that got me to thinking about my relationship with Madhubby when he returned home from the coffee shop with my soy latte minus the two Splendas I always drink with my coffee. I was miffed that he forgot. Okay, I was more than miffed, I was upset. I sent him off with a flippant comment and no kiss or hug.

But, after 10 years together, 8 years of marriage, and 3 kids, I think he should remember those little things, like how I take my coffee, because amid all the clamor of life, it's those little gestures that keeps love from dying. Too many little things forgotten and *poof* love is gone and we're just two people sharing a house and raising some kids.


Polina said...

I do believe your husband has just unintentionally forgotten the 2 Splendas. 10 years together is quite a long period of time to start not to pay too much attention to such small "failures" of each other. Love is in forgiving things that can be forgiven:)

sorel top said...

I generally agree that we have expectations on the "little things." It's a two-way street too. I think we women get pretty demanding without giving much consideration back to what our spouses like too (e.g. my hubby of 17 years hates it when I don't fold up the nail clippers before putting them back in the drawer.) Often, it's those little things we intentionally use as hot buttons to get on our spouse's nerves because we know it will irritate them. On the flip side, paying attention to the "little things" shows them we care enough about them to take the time to think about them and their needs/preferences. I don't think the "little things" should be deal breakers though by any means.

LawSchoolMom said...

@polina: Yes! You hit the nail on the head about forgiveness. The other marital credo I believe in is: The key to a happy marriage is compromise. We try both, forgiveness and compromise, and it generally works out okay!

@sorel top: I know I have high expectations of my hubby and I also do tend to forget those expectations run both ways. I know I do stuff that irks him but I try to be a conscientious wife because, you're right, it shows that I care about him.

Daisy said...

Yes, he "should" have remembered. But the simplest solution is this: pick up a box of Splenda packs at the store. Then you'll always have them when and if he forgets. You can even keep a few in your purse.