Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I'm Not Unsympathetic. Just Competitive.

Yesterday, I attended an earlier section of my Remedies class, which was both refreshing and informative. During the course of the evening, Professor both denigrated another local law school and revealed that he has absolutely no idea about parenthood.

Professor instructed us to word court pleadings in a certain way so as to confuse opposing counsel. I apologize in advance for those of you who come here for witty parenting stories rather than boring legal theory (though I think this stuff is kinda exciting). So, we were discussing unjust enrichment (a remedy for breach of a quasi-contractual agreement) and Professor commented that students from the other law school would probably be more apt to agree that their clients had been enriched by our clients loss. Thus, opposing counsel would actually admit to his own client's unjust enrichment without realizing it. Surely, no one would admit something like that, I thought to myself. But, professor has been teaching law longer than I have been breathing, so I will take him at his word when he says that other law students -- comparatively speaking -- are dumb.

Shortly before our exciting discussion got underway, a section mate announced that she was pregnant. I hate people who make an announcement about pregnancy to a group of nearly total strangers. We don't care that you're really five months pregnant and not just fat. We don't care that you are having a boy and that you are due in the spring. What I do care about -- and this is where my competitive streak kicks in -- is that you will not be actively pursuing any of the spring internships in which I am interested nor will you be participating in Spring OCI or spending your summer at the swanky firm downtown. Instead, you will be too busy perfecting the sleep-deprived-zombie-with-swollen-leaking-boobs-and-manky-hair look. Otherwise known as parenthood.

So, while you're trying to defy the law of gravity by staying upright while sleeping, I will be using my knowledge of the law to catapult myself that much further towards my goal of crazy money. So, thank you. Thank you pregnant-not-fat seatmate for dropping out of the race.

As for Professor, he told the poor woman a bald-faced lie. He told her that the day after she pops out the kid, that she will have to make a conscious effort to remember what her life was like before the birth of her child. See! A total lie!

My first child was born nearly eleven years ago and I can still remember what my life was like before her with very little effort. It was relaxing and fun -- in a different way. It was free of the worry and strife that comes with caring for another human being. It was good, then. And, it's good, now. No massive brain energy required.

To his credit, I think most dads would agree with Professor. Whereas most moms will never admit that they swung from the chandelier by their bras sans kids, even under the most torturous conditions.

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