Nine Stone

Last night, I forced Madhubby out of bed to do a security check, which is basically me being OCD and him loving me in spite of it. I always lock up before going to bed, which he knows, yet I still make him get out of bed - right when he's on the verge of sleep - to do another check. Just in case.

A basement window could be left open and someone could come in and murder us in our sleep. Then, Madhubby would have all kinds of guilt because he could have saved us if he'd only gotten out bed to check the windows and doors one last time. So, I make sure he does that final check so he won't have our murders on his conscience for the rest of his life.

Well, as he's doing last night's security check, he lets out this awful grunt and I immediately think he's been stabbed! Armed with a baseball bat, I head towards the kitchen and I see him shuffling along and holding his side. He is whimpering and practically in tears. What happened? I whispered in case the person who stabbed him is nearby. He continues into our bedroom and collapses on the bed writhing in pain. By now, it's obvious he hasn't been stabbed nor is there an intruder in the house. So, I go back to surfing the internet.

After thirty minutes of writhing around on the bed and telling me he's in the worst pain of his life, he asks me to take him to the ER. Shit! I was all set for bed plus it's cold outside. But, being the loving wife that I am, I bundle him up and take him to the ER where they tell him what I told him an hour ago: Kidney stone. Drink lots of water and wait for it to pass. They send him home with a handy-dandy strainer in which to catch the pepple of pain and a prescription for Percoset.

"The worst pain you've ever felt, huh?" I ask as we get ready for bed, again. Yes. "Well, maybe you should try pushing a 9lb watermelon through a donut sometime. Then, we can talk about pain." He shoots me a "that's so not relevant" look, downs his Percoset, turns over and falls fast asleep. Meanwhile, I'm still wide awake wondering whether all the doors and windows are locked.